Q: What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
A: "What's eating you?"
It's my wife's birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present. 'Oh, I don't know ,' she said . 'Just give me something with diamonds. That's why I'm giving her a pack of playing cards.
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake."
Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
There are numerous advantages in being fifty – just ask any eighty year old!!!
"A true friend remembers your birthday but not your age."
"When's your birthday?"
"July 23."
"What year?"
"Every year!"
When I was a child my family were so poor that the only thing I got on my birthday was a year older.
Q: Did you hear about the dancer's birthday?
A: It was a tappy one!
"My birthday's coming"
Do you know what I need?"
"Yeah, but how do you wrap a life?"
Q: What did one candle say to the other?
A: "Don't birthdays burn you up?"
Q: "Were any famous men born on your birthday?"
A: "No, only little babies."
Q: How can you tell that you're getting old?
A: You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!
"I'm giving a 'surprised' birthday party for you."
"A 'surprised'. birthday party? What's that?"
"That's where I invite a bunch of your friends, and if any of them come, I'll be surprised!"
Q: Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
A: Because people kept toasting him!
YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING OLD WHEN ...
- All of your favorite movies are now re-released in color.
- At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.
- Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."
- Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
- In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
- It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.
- It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
- It takes twice as long to look half as good.
- Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.
- No one expects you to run into a burning building.
- People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
- People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
- The clothes you've put away until they come back in style... come back in style.
- The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
- The pharmacist has become you new best friend.
- There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
- Things you buy now won't wear out.
- When getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
- When happy hour is a nap.
- When you are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of the police.
- When you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.
- You and your teeth don't sleep together.
- You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."
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